I have come across many people that are interested in shamanism, mainly because of the power and energy this way of life brings and represents. I did not choose to be shaman. No one really chooses to be shaman, even if the proclaim that they are. If someone does claim to be shaman, but has not yet received the initiation or purification from the gods, then they will not receive all the gifts and abilities possible to be an effective shaman.
We as humans cannot initiate our purify ourselves. We do not set the date, time or anything else for when we will be chosen. If a person does, then they are demonstrating disrespect to the divine ones that do the choosing due to their over inflated ego. It is very easy to misunderstand the signs we receive as we meander through our challenges and tough situations. It is always vital to question everything and not simply accept the first answer that comes along. True honesty of ourselves requires a lot of self-exploration and uncovering of old wounds, learning to let go of all that is holding us back so we can become more and this we must do often so we can grow out of what we are pretending to be and become the being we were meant to be.
The night my patron goddess came to me was on the Eve of Samhain many years ago… seems like a life time since then. Samhain is not a heathen rite, but one that I loved to be part of… such a powerful time for ritual and ceremony work. It was during the part where I present the offering to the gods and goddesses that she came through the veils of spirit and touched my face, which left a permanent mark that can still be seen to this day… it was like a burn; her touch was so hot. Her touch set in motion my initiation and my purification began the next morning. I remember moving around to put things away after leaving the offering and I suddenly felt ill, I was having a full vertigo attack without reason and could barely make it to the bathroom. Thanks to my cat, he guided me there and waited by the door while my insides vacated from my bowels in an angry rush. I never knew at the time what was happening. The next morning, not only was I bleeding bad, I found a huge blistery scab on my right cheek that no matter what I did, would not go away. I bled, actually I was hemorrhaging. Every hour I had to change. I went to my doctor, for some reason already knowing nothing would be found. My blood pressure came back normal, my blood work had no problems; I had two ultrasounds and they all came back negative of any abnormality. I knew if the bleeding continued, I would be leaving this world, which would mean leaving my children and I wasn’t ready to leave. At the end of the second week of bleeding and becoming slightly pale due to the loss of blood, I raised my voice to the skies above, accepting whatever this was, trusting that they will look after and guide me to my next direction in order to unfold further learning and becoming. I told them, my time is not over. I have not yet become or done all that I need to or are meant to. The next day the bleeding stopped as if it never began and life changed for me dramatically. I remember still, that I said thank you to the goddess that selects those to be shaman. A few days after the incident after leaving a coffee shop in downtown Sarnia, I was met with a bronze dragon. She came down nearly right in front of me, nearly knocking me down. It was the first time I had such an experience, well one that I can remember.
I spoke to a couple pagan friends, and one of them told me that I was transforming into a shaman, one that talks to dragons, a dragon shaman. The one who came down to me that one evening, her name is Akasha and she is the 5th element, one of spirit. She and I are one and later on, I learned she was my mother in dragon form and in goddess form she is Tailtiu. So much for a person to take one. I embraced it all eagerly. I only studied with one human and I outgrew his teachings within six months and since then all teachings came from the spirits that have always been with me, even when I ignored their presence. They have been with me before I was born and was with me when I had my first vision when I was a young child over 45 years ago and still with me. They are always there when I need someone to talk to. One thing though, they never tell me a false truth. If I seek to know an answer that is of the future, they will not give me a yes or a no, just, “wait and see.” Patience, truly is a virtue at every turn our journey takes us on. I am grateful for the life I have and for all it brought, even the hard, turbulent times, I am grateful.