Here I am, a passenger on a long and boring highway, escaping the humdrum of our mundane city and life for a shopping excursion in other city.
Listening to the music from the radio as it tries to break through the tired silence of the other passengers. A day that is gray, sleepy like…I’d rather be curled up under my blankets with my purring kitten beside me.
I sometimes have a flash memory of when times were better, happier; but that was then and here we are…in the company of a person who I share history with and who has also causes us, me so much pain. I had to learn to let go of my bitter hatred and after years of repressed feelings, I allow him to help out occasionally.
I try not to think about what could have been because that chapter of my life is closed and I have no plans on ever returning. Also, I try not to daydream of the future because the future is not definite, not even tomorrow is promised, just merely hoped for.
I have little thought or trust in faith. It has done little for me in the past…I know I am the maker of what lies ahead. The fates may be weaving their silken threads with multitudes of paths that only I get to choose, that I am accountable for. Sometimes I wish the gods would confirm more than they do. But I sigh and simply accept what comes my way and tackle it the best of my abilities.
Out there, somewhere is my love…someone who is my equal in mind, body, heart and soul. I know him. Sort of. We just have been unable to find the correct path that would lead us to each other. It is one of the few things that this old crone hasn’t given up on.
My magical life has brought me equal experiences of pain and pleasure. Unfortunately, some of my magical experiences have wrecked havoc with my physical body, causing nerve and joint pain that has become chronic and crippling at times. I guess I wouldn’t be human without moving through any form of pain and suffering. And I’d rather feel my body ache and feel the pinch of my nerves than be unable to feel. Each ache is my quiet reminder that I am alive and I do not plan on leaving this plane of existence just yet. I have more magic and healing to learn and share and more work with the gods before my time expires. My gray haired, one-eyed, magic and rune teaching father of ancient times tells me I’m going to be here a while yet. Now it’s time to distract myself with a little therapeutic shopping. — Written March 14th 2020