A Wishful Longing

My mountainous partner of my past, where did you go? We used to talk much more than we do now which is basically non-existent.

Recently we did have a minor discussion within a comment field of something you shared. You’re right people change as they age, in more ways than one.

I’m no longer the young, shapely woman of our shared past. Now, I’m a chubby, gray/white-haired, crippled woman who is witchy heathen.

I no longer party or drink long nights away. I only have alcohol now and again…my meds are a priority for my degenerating health. You would know all this and more if you would talk to me.

I feel we’ve become more strangers than friends. But somehow we are connected, still. Why? After all these years, do I still love you? Even if that were true, I doubt you would want a woman like myself.

I’m not that beautiful young lady that was always enamored with you. I even helped you get back together with another woman back then because I thought if I loved you enough, I could let you go and eventually you would make your way back to me. And here we are. Living in the same county yet seemingly worlds apart.

Am I supposed to let you go? If so, how? We’ve been both friends and lovers. We have a past and I take letting go of people seriously. If I was to be with someone that was not my astral partner, it would have to be you. Even from this distance, you have the heart and soul of a warrior and someone who also has the ability to be gentle and strong at the same time. The Fates, for whatever reason keeps us connected. That is the kind of soul I am looking for because that is what my astral partner has. But you barely know I’m here.

What are the Fates thinking by keeping our ties uncut? Will you one day come call on me? Will you be able to accept the woman I am now? And, would I be able to accept you as you are? Until you make your way to me, we will never know how our story continues, if it continues at all. I’ve tried getting your attention in the past, and you karate chop it into nothing. I wonder, do you even think about me?

I’m filled with many ‘what-ifs’, and unanswered questions and many more questions waiting to be thought. I sigh with want and longing, and wonder if I’m just wishful thinking…oh well. I think you could be the man of my dreams but there’s no way to tell since we are worlds apart even though we live within a few minutes drive from each other. I’m used to waiting. I’ve been waiting for years for my astral partner to materialize here in this world. I think I can wait a little longer to see if you finally notice me and to finally get closure if we have no future other than friendship from a distance.


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