My Yuletide

It’s been a crazy year. Good, bad, repeat, crazy up and down. I sigh a lot. I listen to the spirits that move around me while I am waiting for children to come so I can cross them to school. It is a joy to be there for them, even in such a small capacity. I could possibly to other work, but I love my job. I would do it even without pay. I really think coming to work every day, seeing those sweet faces helps me for a few minutes, helps me forget my troubles.

Everyone has troubles for sure. Some people’s troubles are way worse than mine so I try not to complain or speak of them because most people really don’t want to hear what occupies my little mind. So I keep it inside, I speak silently to the spirits, and to my astral beloved. When the stress of my worries are too much, I ache more than usual and I ache a lot from multiple joint dysfunction and degeneration; stemming from my neck down to my feet. I seek Eir when the pain is too much to bear on my own. Man is she good.

The season of Yule is never easy for me. It is lonely even though my son is always with me and I know spirits are always a breath away. My daughter is always at her dad’s now and that tears me up as well. She will not come right out and tell me she is living there, but she mostly is. And I hate him for guilting her in so many ways to be there and to not participate in after school activities, like sports. I know he has good reasons because of the pandemic, but he has made her feel she needs to be there in case something happens to him. And she would feel bad as a result if that happened. My daughter has a big heart. I just wish she didn’t get guilted into a decision. Maybe I see things differently because I am on the outside looking in. And I cannot let go of the things he said to my son when we were living there. Sure he has changed for the better because of our daughter, but he is still manipulative. She doesn’t see it because she chooses not to. I guess ignorance is bliss. I don’t know.

I wish the holidays to be different. I just do not know how to make them so. I have reduced my witch practice and journeying because in the past I did so much that I felt burnt out. I feel it best now to wait until I have no one at home when I restart. Both my children know my practices and beliefs. I never hid it. I just changed. I do not know how to break my protective shell that I created. I do not know if I want it broken you know. It is cozy in here 😉 .

Until I restart my witchy practice, I am studying, reading what I can on old Norse mythologies. There’s so much and my poor, old brain has trouble remembering everything, so I buy from different authors with different translations. I find it helps. I just need to save up for more books.

I guess this really isn’t about Yule, but all this is in my head and more right now. I am not happy happy, but I am okay. Thanks for listening to me rant.

Photo take 2021-02-09 sunrise.

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