Thoughts of mine have been scattered as of late. As for why, a lot of things are bothering on different levels of my psyche. Spirits work through me, talk to me, direct me when I am feeling less than rational. I give thanks when I notice when I listen to them and it their direction was what I needed. Sometimes I feel I am a piece of work and I need so much guidance. I often find myself drowning in my sorrow and this is such a weakening of my being. I keep feeling for my astral beloved. I know he is there. Sometimes I feel him, with his arm wrapped around my shoulder, or touching my cheek. I spend much of my time sensing and scrying whenever possible.
Stress has become a steady visitor lately and it is draining me. I am trying not to be pulled into it’s murky void of uncertainty and paranoia that often comes from it’s clutches. A quiet place is where I wish to be. A quiet place where there’s no one needing me, where I can be alone with my thoughts and sift through them; to get through them and to release them. I am trying to often remind myself that everything that occurs is never meant to last forever. One way or another we/I get past whatever the difficulty may be.
The gods are a great presence during all my life situations. They always know when I need direction the most. I do not pray as in the Christian way. I speak to my gods. I do not ask for favours or make wishes upon them. They assist me by meeting me halfway by my own actions. I can rely on them for strength in any battle, but sometime when the battle is with myself, they sit back and let me take my own steps and assist only when I really need it and usually it is only to clarify something when I myself lack confidence of my own abilities.
I am trying but I don’t know if my effort is enough. The life I have, I never ever thought I would be living. It is not good. It could be much worse, I know this, but I never thought it would be so dismal. I must keep moving forward, regardless, even if it’s just to another day. At least the sun is shining brightly on this day of Imbolc. I did make blueberry biscuits today. So that is progress…small steps…